Take Hold of Small Dreams

Dreams usually do not come to us in completed form. They come as starting points. On these we need to build. Thus an idea comes and we ponder on it, work on it and finally begin to see some results. From small hopes, ideas, insights, inspirations, inner nudges and dreams, great plans and actions may evolve.

It is true that while some of our dreams grow into reality, many of our thoughts, ideas, wishes and initial plans simply evaporate. They have come to nothing. Some would say that these were never meant to be; otherwise they would have come to fruition. But this may be far too easy on explanation. It is deterministic, with rationalization that whatever will be, will be.

We need to see ourselves as creators and see life as open with its possibilities and potential. Therefore, we need to take a hold of our thoughts and dreams. We need to plant them carefully. They need to be nurtured with prayer so that they may grow things useful and purposeful. This is what creating is all about. It is believing that not everything that we think or dream about is impossible.

Some thoughts and dreams may be our Creator’s direction for our lives. We must be prepared to make some commitment-be prepared to run the risk of putting time, energy and resources into those thoughts in order to bring them to fruition. This requires courage and faith.

Seeing Truly: going beyond caricatures

This is a simple reflection of the same title written by Charles Ringma. I would like to share this to you..

We often see only what we want to see. We find it hard to acknowledge that one of our children is drifting toward disaster, or we are unable to see the signs of serious illness in one of our loved ones. We tend to repress unpleasant things.

Moreover, we sometimes approach life from our particular point of view and end one-sided. We are rooted in particular traditions and these influence us to think and see things in particular ways. He poses that one of the challenges of living is to increasingly incorporate other’s perspectives into our own. This not only enriches us, it can also make for more a just world.

(His views with these examples): The poor man and the oppressor have nothing in common. One is a victim of the other. However the writer said that both have the ability to see. But sadly, often they see only from their own perspective. Those who have more wealth see the poor as lazy. The poor on the other hand see those in power as oppressors. And to extend this further, men tend to see women as subservient to their interests. Youth thinks little of their parents; Bosses and workers are frequently suspicious of each other. Yet this kind of seeing is often in terms of caricatures and stereotypes.

He proposed (Charles) that we need to learn to see people and things as they really are if we are to build a more and just world. For this we need a spirit of wisdom and understanding so that we can judge not simply by generalizations or reactions but judge righteously. We do that by building relationships, opening our hearts and careful listening. In building these bridges, we can discover that the other was not quite what we had first thought. From this, we will discover the real world and begin to see more.

This is life in stride… let us give it a try perhaps….

Parable of the Pencil

A religion teacher in South Africa often used the following parable in her mission clinic. They called it the “Parable of the Pencil”. It can be very effective in teaching or preaching, especially if the pencil is used as a visual aid. Many lessons can be drawn from it for a diversity of occasions.

A man invented the pencil, held it in his hand and said to it: “I want you to remember four things: First your goodness or true worth is within you. Secondly, you’ll need to be sharpened as you go through life. Thirdly, you’ll be in someone’s hand. Finally, you’ll be expected to leave your mark.” James A. Feehan.

I hope you could also draw your own reflection from the parable of the pencil in your life just as I have done it to myself.

Barriers to Effective Communication

1. Judging

Judging involves imposing your values on another person and formulating solutions to their problems. When you judge you don’t listen to what someone is saying because you are appraising their appearance, the tone of their voice and the words they use. Examples:

Criticizing - “Don’t you understand anything?”
Name-calling -“That’s because you are lazy”
Diagnosing – “You are not really interested in this subject”
Praising to manipulate a person- “With a little more effort you could do a lot better”.

2. Sending Solutions

Sending solutions can impede communication even though the listener shows a concern and a desire to help. BY sending solutions we make individuals dependent on us and deny them the opportunity to practice decision-making skills. We also convey to them that their feelings, values and problems are not important. Examples include:

Ordering- “You will study two hours a night”
Threatening- “If you don’t do this…..”
Moralizing – “you should do this…..”
Excessive questioning-“Where did you go” What did you do” Who were you with”

3. Avoiding Other’s Concerns

In avoiding other’s concerns the problem is never addressed by the listener. The individual’s feelings and concerns are not taken into account. The listener does not want to deal with the fears, anxieties and worries of the individual. Examples include:

Advising – “It would be best if you…..”
Diverting – “What sport are you playing this term?”
Logical argument- “The only way to improve your results is to study more.” The emphasis is on facts and feelings are avoided.
Reassuring- “it will all work out”. Making the person feel better but not dealing with the problem.

Still Thoughts… A positive guide for loving and appreciating our lives

These thoughts are culled from Master Shih Cheng –Yen, a collection of meditation and inspirational messages. It gives me a direction on how I could live my life with bliss. You can take a little of your time to read it. Indeed, to be alive is a great opportunity! Enjoy reading it and may you find peace.

1. The sunlight is bright, our parents’ love is great, a gentlemen’s forbearance is strong, and a person who lacks moral cultivation is arrogant.
2. Say good words, have good thoughts and do good deeds.
3. To forgive others is to be good to oneself.
4. Success is bringing into full play one’s good points; failure is the accumulation of one’s weak points.
5. Do not underestimate yourself, because everyone has boundless potential.
6. Palm facing down is to help people, palm facing up is to ask for help; helping brings happiness while begging brings pain.
7. The more you do, the more you gain; the less you do, the more you lose.
8. Be willing to do, be happy to bear.
9. Always bear in mind the following virtues: understanding, forgiving, gratitude, contentment, and treasuring one’s blessings.
10. To do whatever should be done is wisdom; to do whatever should not be done is ignorance.
11. If one has a bad temper and a foul mouth, then no matter how good one’s heart is, one is still not considered a good person.
12. Only when knowledge is truly contemplated and reflected upon can it become your own wisdom.
13. Love is not asking from others, but is giving of oneself.
14. Our greatest enemy is not others but more likely ourselves.
15. Let us compete on who is more loving, not on who is more feared.
16. Loitering away each day turns us into consumers of life. Only by working enthusiastically can we become creators of life.
17. Be mindful. Don’t worry or fret.
18. A person who always makes excuses for himself can never improve.
19. One who constantly looks down on others reveals his lack of moral cultivation.
20. Weeds do not easily grow on a filed planted with vegetables. Evil does not easily harbor in a heart filled with goodness.
21. The greater the effort you put into your work, the greater the capabilities you gain.
22. It is better to have a generous heart than a spacious dwelling.
23. Getting angry is actually punishing yourself with mistakes of others.
24. A person’s happiness stems not from how much he owns but from how little he complains.
25. When one has weathered through all the sufferings, fortune may ensue, when one has enjoyed all the blessings, misfortune may turn up
26. When sitting quietly, reflect upon one’s mistakes; when chatting, do not criticize others.
27. It is not money that brings happiness. A person with a clean conscience is most at peace.
28. Before criticizing others, think first whether one is perfect and faultless.
29. If you do not do little chores, it will be difficult for you to accomplish great things.
30. The greatest success in life is to stand up from failure.
31. Good words are like lotus flowers blooming out from your mouth; bad words are like poisonous snakes hissing out from your lips.
32. There are two things in life that cannot wait: fulfilling filial piety and doing good deeds.
33. Morality is a guiding light for uplifting ourselves, not a whip for rebuking others.
34. To appreciate others is to dignify oneself.
35. Good hearts always beget good days.
36. Even though reason is on one’s side, one must be soft-spoken and humble.
37. A drop of kindness received should be repaid with a flood of kindness.
38. Recognize, appreciate and repay our parents’ love.
39. A kind word is like a perfume; if we spray it on others, a couple of drops will still stay on us.
40. We should carry properly carry out environmental protection tasks not only for our society, but also for our hearts.
41. Many drops of water make a river; many grains of rice make a large basket; do not underestimate your own potential, and do not think of any good deed as too small to do.
42. Rather than a lot of words, say a few words; rather than a few words, say good words.
43. One should not be afraid of committing mistakes, but of not correcting them. It is not difficult to correct mistakes.
44. A person’s heart is like a field; if no good seeds are sown, nothing good will grow.
45. With wisdom one distinguishes the good from the bad; with humility one creates a happier life.
46. A gentleman strives after ideals, but a sly man works for his own ends.
47. In life, not all balls are good ones; only a seasoned batter can make a hit every time.
48. The difficulties and struggles in human affairs are among life’s challenges.
49. Include me in doing good deeds; exclude me in evil deeds.
50. A true loving heart emerges from paying attention to one’s own heart first.
51. If you can concede to others and love people a bit more, you will lead a very happy life.

The SCAR Study

A scientific researcher gathered 10 volunteers for a special psychological study called the Scar Experiment. Separating the volunteers into 10 different cubicles without mirrors, she explained that the purpose of the study was to examine how other people would respond to a stranger with a physical deformity, such as a facial scar.

Using makeup tricks straight out of Hollywood, the scientist put bloody and gruesome scars in each volunteer’s left cheek. She showed each volunteer the “new scar” with a small hand-held mirror and then put the mirror away.

The researcher’s final step in each cubicle was to tell each volunteer that she needed to put some finishing powder on his or her scar to prevent it from smearing. In reality, she used a tissue to wipe off the scar. The volunteers, however, believed they still had scars on their faces. Each volunteer was then sent out into the waiting rooms of different medical offices with instructions to notice how strangers in the office responded to the scar.

After the appointment time, all 10 volunteers returned with the same report. They noticed that strangers were more rude to them, less kind to them and stared at their “scar”.

From this story we could draw an insight. Since we are sometimes preoccupied with our personal flaws (physical or otherwise), we often assume that other people consider our flaws as repulsive as we do. (you need not agree of course). In reality, most people hardly notice the things we think are wrong with us. Now, because our flaws consume us, we may act toward others as if they disapproved of us. That makes it hard to form friendships.

On the other hand, having a healthy self-image or taking positive view of ourselves frees us to enjoy healthier relationships. Ultimately, of course, a healthy self-image comes from knowing that the Almighty thinks highly of us. He created you and me and loves us as his child. You can reflect further if you wish- but when you take time to listen to God’s voice telling you who you really are, you will be less likely to worry about what others think of you.

Reclaiming Spirituality to Overcome Violence

First and foremost allow to me to pose a question and tickle your minds: “Why do we have to reclaim our spirituality?” By the term “reclaim” we mean recover, restore, rebuild or even redeem. Through these definitions we are encouraged to ask other questions: “What was lost?” “What is spirituality?” And why we want to bring it back to where it came from. Another question that you and I will ask is, why reclaim spirituality? Is our relationship with God not enough? Or one will be saying: I am working with the poor for quite a time now and I have done so much to assist the poor, are these not enough? The answer will depend on your own belief and background. But for the purpose of this paper we shall discover as to whether or not we have sufficiently assisted those people that we have favored to serve become the best that they can be. This I term spirituality.

In one my reading I came across a line that says- spirituality is not only being contemplative or having right connections with God. It is not only through prayer that you can become a spiritual person. Spirituality does not only connotes the gender of a person whether a male or a female. Spirituality is also bringing the best in the people so that they can be their best selves to design their own development and future. This is the way I will approach this topic so that we can together restore this world and make it whole again. In another reading spirituality can address both –being prayerful and at the same time helping the poor or the needy.

For more than two decades in my journey with the less privileged and deprived sectors of our society I could say that our society has been afflicted by many forms of violence- It has been very pervasive. I could say that if it is described in a jargon it has inflicted into the deepest pores of my skin. Meaning we could see, feel and even experience them everyday in our lives- the demolition that has displaced many families in the urban poor communities, children that are on streets to earn a living for the families instead in school, crimes that are being justified because of poverty, broken families, children and youth hooked in the global problem of drugs, children caught in armed conflict, incest rape cases, women battering and even the continuing marginalization of women - all these are faces of violence.

Revisiting our Birth and God’s Gifts

The story of creation reveals to us that God made the sky, seas, earth, rivers, oceans, animals, plants, and land. But even when God was amused with what he did the earth will still be barren without somebody to be the caretaker of all he did. And he made a beautiful masterpiece that he called a man and a woman (Genesis 1:27) He created them in his image and likeness and bestowed on them the power to cultivate over the other creations that he did. He gave the power to human beings to use these creations for the good of all men.

Let us zero in our discussion on Man that is endowed with special gifts from God. God has afforded us the requisite for life and godliness and he made eternal promise to be with us always. As we reflect upon ourselves and see what God has done for us we should not shy away from the goodness of God despite our flaws and imperfections in being a good steward of these creations. The question of whether or not we have utilized the fruits of this creation to the fullest is an area we have to explore further. Experiences of violence at all levels of society-individual, family, groups and communities are already known to many people. And so as we recognize these that violence may be perpetuated by structures, the structures itself are also run by people and this should not escape from the reality that men has significantly contributed to what the world has become, a fractured world.


Our Journey to Wholeness…

Thus we are now faced with the challenge of reclaiming the original wholeness or the original integrity of creation. If this challenge is too improbable, then maybe we ought to reclaim an approximation of the original integrity of creation. This integrity of creation has been locked up for a long time and the key was lost amid the violence that ensued. As I was reflecting on this thought, I believe that one of the keys to unlocking and freeing the transforming power of the original integrity of creation is found within persons.

And so we have to look at the person as a whole. Let us go in our very selves and see where we stand now vis-à-vis our present realities. First, man constitutes four (4) attributes. These are the spiritual, moral, physical and intellectual. These four aspects are interrelated and should be viewed not as separate entities but connected with each other. When one of these aspects will not function there is a tendency that man will experience some problems within himself and will be manifested in their ways, in their actions and even in their thoughts. It is imperative that one person must be able to know who is he, what are his capacities and what exactly he can do to improve himself and eventually assist others to make an inventory of themselves also.

1. Intellectual aspect of Man/Woman. The intellectual aspect of man refers to capacity of a man to think and express oneself. This is man’s innate ability to speak and to create things for the good supposedly of all. When we use our minds we have to consider that if we develop anything we will always consider the welfare of others. We should refrain from having negative thoughts because this will affect also our actions and our person.

2. Spiritual aspect of Man/Woman. The spiritual aspect of a person so to speak must not only be seen or felt by a closer relationship to God. A person can be prayerful or contemplative but his attitude is always centered on himself. We can demonstrate our faith by letting others see our being religious, but is this really what matters? The spiritual aspect of man should be seen on a dual function-that of strengthening one’s faith to God and opening the gateway to a closer relationship with others (friends, neighbors) or anybody in the nameless people that you encounter in your life whom you think will need help from you. This come to a deeper reflection of ourselves whether we have fulfilled God’s mission of helping our least brothers and sisters in Christ.

Our spiritual aspect calls on us also to do maintain equilibrium of our ways for the Lord and our fellowmen whom we shall always take note and believe that they are God’s children.

3. The Moral aspect of Man/Woman. When we speak of morality it is always associated with uprightness. It is always centered on an action that is right and wrong. How moral is the act? (philandering husbands, adultery, concubine) Is it valuable and does not go against the law of man and God? But I look at the moral aspect of man as also the deeds and even words that comes from the mouth of a person that will also connote immorality. Acts like dishonesty, graft and corruption, acquiring things at the expense of others, etc) are also immoral acts. By continually doing these actions would contribute towards enforcing or perpetuating violence.

Our moral aspect would also be able to assist us to develop proper values and virtues, clarify existing values and cultivate and reinforce the good ones towards becoming a better person.

4. Physical aspect of Man/Woman. This refers to the body of man/woman. Among the aspects of man the body is the one that assist us in transforming our thoughts into action. If the body is weak we cannot perform our desired dreams and goals. Our body also manifests our pains inside ourselves. Our body also manifests our sickness. We should take care of our bodies so that we can do things that will bring this world a better place.


Reclaiming our Spirituality and Redeeming Defective Programming… A Synthesis

In the earlier part of this paper I have presented my thoughts that all man was created in the image and likeness of God. This only gives us a clear-cut grasp that our goal in this earth is to achieve the fullness of life, which God has desired for all humanity. As we prepare ourselves to this God’s call in overcoming violence in the family we should not go farther but rather go to where we started- a place that was once whole and where every man enjoys the fruits of the creation.

When we take a glimpse of our society today we could see and feel so much violence committing everyday. It is even like the air that we breathe. Since the context of this paper is centered on man himself, it is worth stressing that each one of us should know ourselves. We have to go back to the basic premise of recognizing our true selves of who we are? what are our potentials, and how we could assist others. Man has to look deeply into his self to find out whether God is really residing in him or her. Our spiritual connection with Go must evolve like a seed that will germinate at the right time. The seed must be allowed to grow so that at the proper time it will grow and bloom. But this seed must not be grown in resistance. When this happens we must unmask these resistances, we have to overcome them so that we could start a new life process of shaking our flaws that aggravated violence.

Our defective programming has been in us even when we were conceived by our own mothers. These were installed in our minds, shaping our attitudes, beliefs, attachments and masking us adults we are now. Modern psychology recognizes the so-called wounded child among adults who are experiencing difficulty in relating to others or in focusing and begin in control of their lives. (Rizalina Ochoa)

In overcoming violence we must recognize our true selves. This is the initial step to reclaiming spirituality. It is essential that for man to find the meaning of his existence and meaning in life, he or she must know himself- his limitations and potentials. Whatever obstacles inhibit the process of reclaiming must be removed, and the person concern will have to be the one to do this to him.

The four aspects of man must be viewed as a whole. Any aspect that will not be functional will greatly affect the person. We have to remember that we all came from God. Anything we do that will be against God’s teaching is violence. But in reclaiming our spirituality and redeeming our defective programming we should refrain from doing bad including having bad thoughts or uttering bad words because we are hurting a child of God.

As we continue to respond to God’s call let us evaluate ourselves and identify the defects in us and try to heal the wounded child in us so that we can contribute in making this world a better place to live by all mankind.

Managing Conflict

I. Introduction

It is unfortunate but it is almost a universal experience that when people begin to relate and interact with each other, conflicts occur. But while we cannot avoid conflict all the time, it is possible to deal with conflict in a constructive rather than a destructive manner.

Conflict should be viewed as positive rather than always negative because conflict sometimes promotes communication, problem solving, and necessary change for the benefit of the group.

As people interacts “conflict is an ever-present process in human relations” (Loomis and Loomis, 1965)

The ability to resolve and manage conflict is most likely one of the most important social skills a person can possess.

Understanding Conflict

What is conflict?
Conflict is a natural disagreement resulting from individuals or groups that differ in attitudes, beliefs, values or needs. It can also originate from past rivalries and personality differences. Other causes of conflict include trying to negotiate before the timing is right or before needed information is available.

The potential for conflict exists whenever and wherever people have contact. As people are organized into groups to seek a common goal, the probability of conflict greatly increases. Since only the most serious conflicts make headlines, conflict has a negative connotation for many people. All conflicts are not the same. We face conflicts on all levels (Barker et al. 1987). We have disagreements with family, friends, and co-workers. "Conflicts are rarely resolved easily. Most conflicts are managed as individuals work out differences...." (Barker et al. 1987).

Conflict is an intense disagreement process between two interdependent parties over incompatible goals and the interference each perceives from the other in her or his effort to achieve those goals.

Where Does Conflict Originates

Needs - Needs are things that are essential to our well-being. Conflicts arise when we ignore others' needs, our own needs or the group's needs. Be careful not to confuse needs with desires (things we would like, but are not essential).

Perceptions - People interpret reality differently. They perceive differences in the severity, causes and consequences of problems. Misperceptions or differing perceptions may come from: self-perceptions, others' perceptions, differing perceptions of situations and perceptions of threat.

Power - How people define and use power is an important influence on the number and types of conflicts that occur. This also influences how conflict is managed. Conflicts can arise when people try to make others change their actions or to gain an unfair advantage.

Values - Values are beliefs or principles we consider to be very important. Serious conflicts arise when people hold incompatible values or when values are not clear. Conflicts also arise when one party refuses to accept the fact that the other party holds something as a value rather than a preference.

Feelings and emotions - Many people let their feelings and emotions become a major influence over how they deal with conflict. Conflicts can also occur because people ignore their own or others' feelings and emotions. Other conflicts occur when feelings and emotions differ over a particular issue.


Value Differences in Conflict (Gains)

Ultimately we may come to real value differences. There is a difference in how you want to live and how I want to live. We have three choices here:
• One or both of us could change
• We could stop having a relationship and/or stop communicating
• We could tolerate each other and learn to appreciate what we do have in common, we could co-exist the way we are knowing that we will always have that basic difference.

Conflict is not always negative. In fact, it can be healthy when effectively managed. Healthy conflict can lead to:
Growth and innovation;
New ways of thinking;
Could be used for management options
If the conflict is understood, it can be effectively managed by reaching a consensus that meets both the individual's and society's needs. This results in mutual benefits and strengthens the relationship. The goal is for all to "win" by having at least some of their needs met.

Types of Conflict
task conflict
interpersonal conflict
and procedural conflict.

Task Conflict

Group members may disagree about facts or opinions from authorities. The interpretation of evidence may be questioned. Disagreement about the substance of the discussion is called "task conflict."

Task conflict can be productive by improving the quality of decisions and critical thinking processes.

Interpersonal Conflict

The term interpersonal conflict is used to indicate the disagreement that most people call a "personality clash." This "clash" may take the form of antagonistic remarks that relate to the personal characteristics of a group member or disregard any organizational goals to antagonize a particular group member.

Conflict of this type is expressed through more subtle nonverbal behaviors. There may be icy stares or, at the other extreme, an avoidance of eye contact. Interpersonal conflict may be inevitable and must be managed for optimal group maintenance.

Procedural Conflict

"Procedural conflict" exists when group members disagree about the procedures to be followed in accomplishing the group goal. New procedures may be formulated and a new agenda suggested. Even the group goal may be modified


Causes of Conflict

• Prior Hostility: We sometimes get mad in one situation but express it in another.
• Assumptions or Expectations: We often get frustrated when situations or people are not what we expect. This type of frustration can easily lead to angry feelings and conflict.
• Violating another person's needs: Each of us has a variety of needs, to feel competent, in control, accepted, independent. When these needs are violated you may see aggressiveness, defensiveness, rejection, withdrawal, and lack of communication.

Causes or sources of organizational conflict can be many and varied. The most common causes are the following:

scarcity of resources (finance, equipment, facilities, etc)
different attitudes, values or perceptions
disagreements about needs, goals, priorities and interests
poor communication
poor or inadequate organizational structure
lack of teamwork
lack of clarity in roles and responsibilities


Conflict Between Individual
People have differing styles of communication, ambitions, political or religious views and different cultural backgrounds. In our diverse society, the possibility of these differences leading to conflict between individuals is always there, and we must be alert to preventing and resolving situations where conflict arises.

Conflict Between Groups of People
Whenever people form groups, they tend to emphasize the things that make their group “better than” or “different from” other groups. This happens in the fields of sport, culture, religion and the workplace and can sometimes change healthy competition to destructive conflict.

Conflict Within A Group of People

Even within one organization or team, conflict can arise from the individual differences or ambitions mentioned earlier; or from rivalry between sub-groups or factions. All leaders and members of the organization need to be alert to group dynamics that can spill over into conflict.

How to Identify Signs and Stages of Conflict
Between in Individuals
Colleagues not speaking to each other or ignoring each other
Contradicting and bad-mouthing one another
Deliberately undermining or not cooperating with each other, to the downfall of the team

Between Groups of People
Cliques or factions meeting to discuss issues separately, when they affect the whole organization
One group being left out of organizing an event which should include everybody
Groups using threatening slogans or symbols to show that their group is right and the others are wrong

Effects of Conflict
Conflict could be productive and could have positive effects on groups. Among these are:

1. Improving the quality of decisions; helps define and
sharpen community issues to improve their decisions
2. Stimulating involvement in the discussion
3. Building group cohesion and solidarity within the group
4. Strengthen group boundaries
5. Help gain recognition for a group
6. Aid in the formation of new group
7. Result in restructuring a group

Effects of Conflict

Negative Effects
Harmful to individuals or groups
Increase bitterness, alienation and divisiveness
Weaken or destroy a group
Increase tension within or between groups
Lead to alliances with other groups
Disrupt channels of cooperation
Become violent

2. Choosing A Conflict Management Style

l In every situation we are responsible for our actions. Conflict situations offer each of us an opportunity to choose a style for responding to the conflict. The key to effective conflict prevention and management is to choose the conflict management style appropriate for the conflict. Most of us have a favorite style that we use in conflict situations, but we are all capable of choosing a different style when it is appropriate.

There are five (5) main types of conflict management styles are described below: Cooperative problem-solving, Competing, Avoiding, Accommodating and Compromising. Animals are associated with each style to help you remember the differences among the styles. Remember that animals, like people, may have a favorite style, but they may also choose to adopt a new style in special situations.

1. Cooperative Problem Solving

Choosing a cooperative problem-solving style enables people to work together so everyone can win. Using this style, people try to find a solution that will help everyone meet their interests and help everyone maintain a good relationship.

A dolphin usually chooses a cooperative problem-solving style. Dolphins use whistles and clicks to communicate with each other to catch food cooperatively and to summons help. For example, when a dolphin is sick or injured, other dolphins will help it to the surface so it can breathe.

Although the dolphin usually chooses to be a cooperative problem solver, it can also choose other styles depending on the situation. For example, if a dolphin has a baby and a shark is in the area, the dolphin will choose to use a competitive style to deal with the shark. Continuing to use its favorite style of cooperation would greatly endanger the life of the baby dolphin.

2. Competing

Choosing a competitive style means that a person is putting his/her interest before anyone else's interests. In fact, sometimes people who use the competitive style try so hard to get what they want that they ruin friendships.

Individual pursues his/her interests at other's expense.


This is the offensive aggressive approach to conflict resolution. It is especially attractive to those in power and authority who like to "get things done" and "win." One of the criticisms of competition is that it takes advantage of the opposition's weaknesses by resorting to various strategies and tactics which have a disarming nature. In a competitive situation, there is little listening, little information sharing, and little interpersonal reasoning. Leaders who fall into this area often make decisions without input from others, if any. competitive leadership is often viewed as inappropriate and destructive by group members.

A lion can be a symbol of a competitive style. The lion's roar helps the lion to satisfy its interests. For example, if the lion's family is hungry and needs food, the lion may use its strength and loud roar to get the food because it is important for the family.

l However, the lion can also choose to use a compromising or accommodating style when playing or resting with a lion cub.

3. Compromising

People choose a compromising style when it is important for them to satisfy some of their interests, but not all of them. People who compromise are likely to say "let's split the difference" or "something is better than nothing.“

Individual seeks to find expedient, mutually acceptable solution.

Compromise involves a search for a solution which is mutually acceptable. Compromise involves two or more parties coming together and "meeting in the middle." With compromise, there will be give and take to get to the middle ground. "Everybody wins something, but doesn't get everything." People who compromise settle for the best they can get, as opposed to reaching a decision that everyone wants. Compromise may be one of the best ways of dealing with conflict when time is short or when total agreement is impossible.

A zebra can be a symbol for the compromising style. A zebra's unique look seems to indicate that it didn't care if it was a black horse or a white horse, so it "split the difference" and chose black and white stripes.

However, a zebra may not choose a compromising style for all things. A zebra may choose a cooperative or competitive style like the dolphin or lion depending on the situation.

4. Avoiding

People who chose the avoiding style do not get involved in a conflict. A person choosing the avoiding style might say "you decide and leave me out of it.

Characterized by non-assertive, passive behavior. Person does not openly pursue his/her own concerns or those of the other person, and refuses to engage openly in the conflict. May change the subject or withdraw from the issue.

When a leader employs this option, he/she is to ignoring the conflict and letting it be. For whatever reason, the leader may feel that the conflict is not worth the effort to resolve. This could be complete avoidance (never planning to come back to the conflict) or it could be avoiding the conflict at the present time and coming back to it later when conditions are more favorable. Avoiding conflict does not deal with conflict.

A turtle is a symbol for the avoiding style because it can avoid everything by pulling its head and legs into its shell to get away from everyone.
l A turtle also chooses other styles at times. It does not always choose to stay in its shell, because it would miss out on everything from eating to swimming.

5. Accommodating

People who choose an accommodating style put their interests last and let others have what they want. Many times these people believe that keeping a good friendship is more important than anything else.

Individual neglects his/her own interests to satisfy another.

Accommodation is agreement through yielding or conforming to the positions of others: cooperation in an effort to create harmony, even at the expense of your own ideas and values; agreement in the name of peace and tranquility, knowing full well that you don't entirely buy into it." Accommodators may not always be famous for their creativity, but can often be relied upon for social tact and diplomacy.

A chameleon is a symbol of the accommodating style because it changes its color to match the color of its environment. By changing its color to accommodate its surroundings, the chameleon fits quietly into its environment.

Although the chameleon may always change its color to accommodate its surroundings, it may choose other styles when it is hunting for food, taking care of its young, or hiding from enemies.

6. Collaboration

Individual seeks to find solution which fully satisfies both parties.
Collaboration is a total-membership approach to conflict resolution.In the collaborative mode, the group:

Accepts the fact that there is conflict
Takes time for sharing of values, needs, interests and resources
Discovers many possible solutions and weighs the consequences of each
Selects the alternative that best meets the needs and concerns of each member
Forms a team plan, implements and evaluates the outcomes.

Collaboration takes more time and requires higher levels of commitment than other leadership approaches to disagreement. Therefore, it is often reserved for those issues of greatest importance to the membership. Collaboration is the vehicle which
generates the most creative solutions.
Gets the greatest membership support
Produces the greatest amount of personal growth.

The above list is designed to be helpful in describing different styles of leadership which can be used in the area of conflict management. There is no single best approach that will help leaders deal with every conflict situation. It is up to leaders to develop a situational style which incorporates many different ways of dealing with conflict. Effective leadership is leadership which is adaptive. If leaders are able to adapt to varying conflict situations and manage them accordingly, the will be highly acclaimed!

l Know Yourself
– Identify your own conflict style
– Identify the types of situations or people that make you angry
– Be aware of your "down times"
– Take care of yourself

3. Improving group or team dynamics when conflict occurs
Tips for managing conflicts

Team unity:
How can you manage disagreements in ways that build, rather than harm, personal and collegial relationships? Such disagreements or conflicts can occur between individuals or between groups of people. Here are five strategies for managing stressful situations.

Collaborating I win, you win
Symbol: Owl

Fundamental premise: Teamwork and cooperation help everyone achieve their goals while also maintaining relationships

Strategic philosophy: The process of working through differences will lead to creative solutions that will satisfy both parties' concerns

When to use:
When there is a high level of trust
When you don't want to have full responsibility
When you want others to also have "ownership" of solutions
When the people involved are willing to change their thinking as more information is found and new options are suggested
When you need to work through animosity and hard feelings

Drawbacks:
The process takes lots of time and energy
Some may take advantage of other people's trust and openness

Compromising You bend, I bend
Symbol: Fox
Fundamental premise: Winning something while losing a little is OK

Strategic philosophy: Both ends are placed against the middle in an attempt to serve the "common good" while ensuring each person can maintain something of their original position

When to use:
When people of equal status are equally committed to goals
When time can be saved by reaching intermediate settlements on individual parts of complex issues
When goals are moderately important

Drawbacks:
Important values and long-term objectives can be derailed in the process
May not work if initial demands are too great
Can spawn cynicism, especially if there's no commitment to honor the compromise solutions

Accommodating I lose, you win

Symbol: Teddy Bear

Fundamental premise: Working toward a common purpose is more important than any of the peripheral concerns; the trauma of confronting differences may damage fragile relationships

Strategic philosophy: Appease others by downplaying conflict, thus protecting the relationship

When to use:
When an issue is not as important to you as it is to the other person
When you know you can't win
When it's not the right time
When harmony is extremely important
When what the parties have in common is a good deal more important than their differences

Drawbacks:
One's own ideas don't get attention
Credibility and influence can be lost

Competing I win, you lose

Symbol: Shark

Fundamental premise: Associates "winning" a conflict with competition

Strategic philosophy: When goals are extremely important, one must sometimes use power to win

When to use:
When you know you are right
When quick decision is needed

When to use:

When a strong personality is trying to steamroller you
When you need to stand up for your rights

Drawbacks:
Can escalate conflict
Losers may retaliate

Avoiding No winners, no losers

Symbol: Turtle


4. CREATIVE WAYS OF MANAGING CONFLICTS


Model 1Conflict Management in Community Organizations

1. Recognize and Acknowledge that Conflict Exists

2. Analyze the Existing Situation
know exactly what the conflict is about. Does it involve values, goals, means to goals, territory, or combination of these?

Analyze behavior of involved parties: members of the groups

Determine if the conflict approach is being used by the concerned party

Find out how other, similar conflicts have been resolved

Facilitate Communication.
Enhance communication. Open lines for free discussion and involve all members;
Encourage accurate communication and feedback because negotiation depends on good communication;
Listen and raise questions-(Steven Covey, “seek first to understand than to be understood)
Allow free expression. Constructive disagreement should not be suppressed
Supply information and facts
Maintain and objective level (not emotional)
Stay on issues, not on people
Provide the tact needed to “save face” for parties
Negotiate –Negotiation is a cooperative enterprise; common interests must be sought; negotiation is a behavioral process, not a game; in a good negotiation, everybody wins something. These goals are reached by finding mutual interests and needs by emphasizing the matters that can be agreed upon, and by not dwelling on points of difference.
Make necessary Adjustments, Reinforce, Confirm
Live with the Conflict or look for other strategy and ways to solve it
Source :Conflict Management in Community Organization, www.ohionline.osu.edu?CD-fact?1701.html-48k-cached

Model 2
Mediation

When negotiations fail or get stuck, parties often call in and independent mediator. This person or group will try to facilitate settlement of the conflict. The mediator plays an active part in the process, advises both or all groups, acts as intermediary and suggests possible solutions. In contrast to arbitration (see below) mediators act only in an advisory capacity - they have no decision-making powers and cannot impose a settlement on the conflicting parties. Skilled mediators are able to gain trust and confidence from the conflicting groups or individuals.

Six Rules for Mediation
Never take sides
When possible, use a win-win strategy
Help ensure that personal integrity is maintained
Get conflicts into the open
Be aware of barriers to conflict resolution (defensiveness, put downs, manipulation)
Do not involve more people than necessary
Source: Conflict Management, www.uwlax.edu?SAC?Leadership/Brifs/VirtLib/Conflict%20 Management.html-10k-cached

Rules and Procedures You can Use Before Mediation
Trust and respect for chairperson and the mediating team
Should there be translation and who should do it ?
Is the venue secure and neutral?
Do the chairs and tables have to be re-arranged?
Size and leadership of delegations?
Should observers be allowed?
Agreeing to behave in a polite and disciplined way?
No blaming, verbal abuse or shouting?
No physical intimidation (pointing) and violence?
No presence and carrying of weapons?
Should smoking, drinking and eating be allowed?
No other distracting behavior, (caucussing while the other side is speaking)
How long will the sessions be?
Equal time for each side to speak and who should speak first?
Opportunity to caucus and consult when necessary ?
How should the mediation be minuted?
What parts of the discussion should be confidential?
how should the agreement be reported back to members?
Should the outcome of the mediation be publicized and how?
Source: Conflict Management
www.etu.org.za/tolbox/docs/building/conflcit.html-24 k-Cached

Model 3 Resolving Conflict

First, take the initiative to get the issue out into the open. Sometimes the other person is not even aware that the conflict exists. Feelings of anger, resentment, or hurt need to be expressed and resolved. Rather than attempting to avoid or cover up the conflict, the most concerned and caring action usually is to acknowledge and deal with it as it exists.

Second, treat the other person as an equal. Conflict occurs between persons, not between a person and an object. It is very easy to see the other person as an enemy rather than a person with feelings and needs like anyone else. Here is where the Golden Rule can be a good guide: treat the other person as you would want them to treat you.

Third, fight the problem and win the friend. The issue to be faced is the problem that caused the conflict. Use every tool for supporting your side of the issue, but never confuse the person with the problem. Disagree with the view of another, but respect his right to have views.

Fourth, focus on the problem--present tense. Stay on the subject. Address the problem which has created the conflict rather than shifting to personalities or other problems. Don't drag in past experiences or set up smoke screens which cloud the real issue. Have a sense of proportion; in other words, use just the amount of pressure, argument, or persuasion which will bring about the resolution of the conflict. Make your point without trying to destroy the other person.


Model 4 Conflict Resolution Methods

Address the substance of the conflict
Address the procedures for dealing with the conflict (rules, policies, intervention strategies, etc.)
Separate the relationships people have with the conflict from the conflict substance
Discuss perceptions of the conflict
Be sensitive to the emotions which may be stirred as a result of the conflict
Address the emotions and acknowledge them as legitimate
Listen actively
focus on interests, not positions
focus on interests, not positions
Look for compatible interests
Be hard on the conflict, soft on the people
Brainstorm your options to solve the conflict
Look for mutual gain
Reason and be open to reason
Use equity and fairness in your standards and procedures
Check to see if all parties are comfortable with the outcomes

Source: Conflict Management,www.inform.umd.eduCampusInfo/Departments/OCP/PLC/ConflcitM-6k-Cached

Model 5 Six Steps for Resolving Conflicts
Step 1: Cool off
Conflicts can’t be solved in the face of hot emotions. Take a step back, breathe deep, and gain some emotional distance before trying to talk things out. As success coach Natalie Gahrmann says, “When I take the time to breathe and regain my focus I can create the opportunity to choose my response rather than just react. If I try to skip this step, my words are too emotionally loaded.”


Step 2: Tell what’s bothering you using “I messages.”
When making “I” statements it’s important to avoid put-downs, guilt-trips, sarcasm, or negative body language. We need to come from a place inside that’s non-combative and willing to compromise. A key credo in conflict resolution is, “It’s us against the problem, not us against each other.” “I messages” enable us to convey this.

Step 3: Each person restates what they heard the other person say.

Reflective listening demonstrates that we care enough to hear the other person out, rather than just focusing on our own point of view. It actually fosters empathy. Mark Burnes describes how he used reflective listening the time he walked into the middle of a shouting match between his ex-wife and teen-aged son.

Step 4: Take responsibility. In the majority of conflicts, both parties have some degree of responsibility. However, most of us tend blame rather than looking at our own role in the problem. When we take responsibility we shift the conflict into an entirely different gear, one where resolution is possible.

Step 5: Brainstorm solutions and come up with one that satisfies both people
Resolving conflicts is a creative act. There are many solutions to a single problem. The key is a willingness to seek compromises.

Step 6: Affirm, forgive, or thank.A handshake, hug, or kind word gives closure to the resolution of conflicts. Forgiveness is the highest form of closure. Just saying thank you at the end of a conflict, or acknowledging the person for working things out sends a message of conciliation and gratitude. We preserve our relationships this way, strengthening our connections and working through problems that arise.
Source: Naomi Drew, M.A.author of Hope and Healinghttp://www.learningpeace.com/pages/LP_04.htm - Cached

These questions can serve as a check list to see that you have addressed the problem in a straightforward way:
1. Have you identified and defined the problem together?
2. Have you generated alternatives?
3. Have you evaluated the alternatives?
4. Have you made a choice as to which
alternative is the one to be desired?
5. Have you designed a way of implementing the alternative?
6. Have you planned for follow-ups to assure
that the alternative is working?

Source: Conflict management, www.namb.net/helplink/CONFLICT.asp


References
Ohio State University Fact Sheet on Community Development, ohionline.osu.edu/cd-fact/1701.html-48k-cached
Conflcit Management Strategies and Styles, www.home.snu.edu/-hculbert.fs/conflcit.htm
Conflict Management in Community Organization, www.ohionline.osu.edu?CD-fact?1701.html-48k-cached
Conflict Management, www.uwlax.edu?SAC?Leadership/Brifs/VirtLib/Conflict%20 Management.html-10k-cached
Conflict Management,
www.etu.org.za/tolbox/docs/building/conflcit.html-24 k-Cached
Conflict Management, www.inform.umd.eduCampusInfo/Departments/OCP/PLC/ConflcitM-6k-Cached
Naomi Drew, M.A.author of Hope and Healinghttp://www.learningpeace.com/pages/LP_04.htm - Cached
Conflict management, www.namb.net/helplink/CONFLICT.asp
S. Kaufman’s Resources in Conflict management, for research, teaching And practice, www.urban.csuohio.edu/-sanda/conflict.htm-54k-cached

Just Passion…

Friedrich Hegel said that "We may affirm absolutely that nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion".

The dictionary says that passion is "a strong emotion, an ardent love, zeal, eager desire, hope and joy" "Passion is the great mover and spring of the soul. When men's passions are strongest, they may have great and noble effects but they are then also apt to fall into the greatest miscarriages" (Spratt). All passions are good or bad, according to their objects. Where the object is good, there the greatest passion is too little. Where absolutely evil, there the least passion is to much. Where indifferent, there a little passion is enough.

In the book, Over the Top which was written by Zig Ziglar, he stated that misdirected passion ultimately becomes an obsession. There is a substantial difference between having a "passion for something" and being "obsessed with something". Passion is positive, controllable, and tremendously energizing. An obsession is negative and disruptive. The person with a passion for what he or she does becomes a peak performer. Those who have an obsession with it become "workaholics". People with passion do what they're doing out of love for the people they are doing it for the results they expect to attain. The person with an obsession who becomes a workaholic will work out of fear and/or greed or denial.

Passion under those circumstances becomes negative. But on the other side of the coin, directed passion, mounted on an ethical/moral base, enables any person to utilize his or her full potential. The results can be awesome.

To be candid just like Zig, I have built my passion to serve God, my family, and my countrymen. I have a passion to be and do the best I am capable of being and doing with a mission clearly set to help others experience that life is indeed beautiful despite the challenges that we are continuously facing. I have a conviction that passion, like courage, is transferable. When you work and associate with men and women of passion, that passion frequently is transferred to you. This is another reason we need to be careful about the people we associate with.

It is also my conviction that when you are logically informed and emotionally inspired, you will be moved to recognize, develop and use all that is within you and become the best you can be.

This is precisely the reason that one has to commit to a noble cause, and study carefully possible societal benefits of a particular cause. While you have placed so much energy in making your business work it is also good to budget you time to be busy about a cause that can eventually help make a better world for all humanity. It is high time that we have to discover our PASSION and REACH OUT TO OTHERS....

The Mirror… An Inspiration

Author Robert Fulghum tells this story of one of his professors, a wise man whose name was Alexander Papaderos:At the last session on the last morning of a two-week seminar on Greek culture, Dr. Papaderos turned and made ritual gesture: "Are there any questions?Quiet quilted the room. These two weeks had generated enough questions for a lifetime, but for now, there was only silence. "No questions?" Papaderos swept the room with his eyes. So I asked. "Dr. Papaderos, what is the meaning of life?" The usual laughter followed, and people stirred to go. Papaderos held up his hand and stilled the room and looked at me for a long time, asking with his eyes if I was serious and seeing from my eyes that I was. " I will answer your question."Taking his wallet out of his hip pocket, he fished into a leather billfold and brought out a very small round mirror, about the size of a quarter. And what he said went something like this:"When I was a small child, during the war, we were very poor ad we lived in a remote village. One day on the road, I found the broken pieces of a mirror. A German motorcycle had been wrecked in that place."I tried to find all the pieces and put them together, but it was not possible, so I kept only the largest piece. This one. And by scratching it on a stone, I made it round. I began to play with it as a toy and became fascinated by the fact that I could reflect light into dark places where the sun would never shine- in deep holes and crevices and dark closets. It became a game for me to get into the most inaccessible places could find"."I kept the little mirror, and as I went about my growing up, I would take it out in idle moments and continue the challenge of the game. As I became a man, I grew to understand that this was not just a child's game but a metaphor for what I might do with my life. I came to understand that I am not the light or the source of light. But light- truth, understanding, knowledge-is there, and it will only shine in many dark places if I reflect it"."I am a fragment of a mirror whose whole design and shape I do not know. Nevertheless, with what I have I can reflect light into the dark places of this world-into the black places in the hearts of men- and change some things in some people. Perhaps others may see and do likewise. This is what I am about. This is the meaning of life".Finding life's purpose and meaning do not usually come in identical journeys. The meaning of life for one person may be expressed differently since persons are capable of knowing and feeling things differently. We are in-charge of our own search for what is really the meaning of life to us. I would say that we have to continuously radiate our light for others- this is one dimension of life I see. There is a need to do creative reflection of our work, our actions as well as our persons. Life is also about celebration that in spite of life's struggles and difficulties, we are connected and created to be good stewards of God's creation.

Only in the Movies

I encountered this line while resting. Try reading it and see if you have noticed this list from watching movies or TV shows:

v Most dogs are immortal.
v All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
v It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, provided there’s someone in the control tower to talk you down.
v Once applied, lipstick will never rub off- even while scuba diving.
v The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. NO one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any part of the building you want without difficulty.
v If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition-even you haven’t been carrying any before.
v You’re likely to survive in any battle in any war, unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
v Should you wish to pass off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do. (lo)
v If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor’s first concern will be the tourist trade or his forth coming art exhibition.
v The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
v A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
v If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
v When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill-just grab one at a random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
v Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
v If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing garments.
v Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: enter a password now.
v Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
v A single match will be sufficient t light up a room the size of a football stadium.
v Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
v It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
v Even when driving down perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
v All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.
v It’s always possible to park directly outside the building you’ve visiting.
v A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
v If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
v Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
v It does to matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts- your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out the ones before them.
v When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
v No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption, or alien invasion will ever go back to shock.
v Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
v When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
v You can always find a chain saw when you need one.
v Any lock can be picked in seconds by a credit card or a paper clip- unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
v Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
v People rarely use the bathroom, and if they do, they are usually dead within minutes.
v You can always rely on your car keys already being in the ignition when you get in the car but if it’s an emergency you can’t find the keys anywhere.
v No one locks doors, and if they do chances are there’s a hatchet about to come through it.

Reflection….TV and movies rarely depicts real life situations accurately unless they have been serialized and culled from real life stories or actual situations of people. The electronic media’s primary purpose is to entertain rather than to teach what is real sometimes. Perhaps we should not take seriously TV shows or movies because it sometimes pushed people to commit forms of violence such as killing, kidnapping, rape, and even learn the ideas and strategies to launch war or terrorism. Oftentimes than not, reality would tell us that the acts of violence we encounter in real life situations are patterned after the TV shows or movies we have seen.

The King Who Had Four Wives

Please read this story. I hope you will have the chance to reflect on it…enjoy!

There was a once a rich King who had 4 wives
He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to the finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best;
He also loved the 3rd wife very much and was always showing her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another;
He also loved his 2nd wife. She was his confidante and was always kind, considerate and patient with him. Whenever the King faced a problem, he could confide in her to help him get through the difficult times;
The King's 1st wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her;
One day, the King fell ill and he knew his time was short.
He thought of his luxurious life and pondered, "I now have 4 wives with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.
Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I have loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.
Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart.
The sad King then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is too good!When you die, I'm going to remarry!"
His heart sank and turned cold.
He then asked the 2nd wife, "I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow meand keep me company?"
"I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave."
Her answer came like a bolt of thunder and the King was devastated.
Then a voice called out:
"I'll leave with you and follow you no matter where you go." The King looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny,she suffered from malnutrition.
Greatly grieved, the King said, "I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!"
In Truth, we all have 4 wives in our lives ...
Our 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.
Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth.When we die, it will all go to others.
Our 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.
And our 1st wife is our Soul,
often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the ego. (maybe)?However, our Soul is the only thing that will follow us wherever we go.
So cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now!It is your greatest gift to offer the world.
Let it Shine!

The Man Who Changed the World, A Story

Once upon a time a man set out to change the world. Before long he discovered that the world was too far too big for one person to change. So he decided to change his country. However, crooked politicians and special interest groups unfortunately thwarted his efforts, so he decided to change his neighborhood. But his neighbors simply closed their doors and shut their windows, so he decided to change his family. Instead of changing, his children rebelled and his wife threatened a divorce, and things only got worse. Finally the man decided to change himself. And when he did that, he changed the world.

Where do we take it from here… Shouldn’t this man inspire us too?, Change is only possible if it start with me, and you….

Your girl child must be privileged than other girl children

Living with the comforts of life would mean living a comfortable life. But what about for those girl children whose families could not afford to address their needs and rights? In the Vienna Declaration and Programme of Action adopted at the 1997 World Conference on Human Rights, four general principles were enshrined in the Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC), which are meant to help with the interpretation of CRC and guide national programs of implementation.The four general principles are:1. Principle of Non-discrimination. This includes equality of opportunity. These children should have the same rights as others: refugee children, children of foreign origin, children of indigenous or minority groups and children with disabilities. All children should have opportunity to enjoy an adequate standard of living.2. Principle of Best Interests of the Child. In resolving issues or in decision- making – prioritize the child’s interest and rights. Consider whether any of the child’s right will not be jeopardized. Decisions include those of courts of law, administration authorities, legislative bodies and public and private social welfare institutions. 3. Principle of Right to Life, Survival and Development. This should be ensured to the maximum extent possible. “Development” should be interpreted in a broad sense or qualitative dimension. It should not only be concerned to the physical, but also for the mental, emotional, cognitive, social and cultural development.4. Principle on Views of the Child. Children are free to have opinions in all matters affecting the. Their views should be given due weight in accordance with their age and maturity. They have the right to be heard and to have their views taken seriously; more so in a judicial and administrative forum which affects them There are four based categories of rights, which are applicable for both boys and girls that are acceptable, worldwide. These are:1. Survival Rights. Girls right to survival include their need for food and health care to live. This is appropriate when there are risks that female infants are neglected before or after birth, during childhood, and during adolescence.2. Development Rights. Girls rights to development include all forms or levels of education, training and other mechanisms, for developing their full potential as human beings- intellectually, emotionally, physical, socially and spiritually.3. Protection Rights. Girls have rights to be protected against all forms of abuse, neglect, exploitation, and violence- particularly because they are more prone to domestic or public sexual exploitation in child labor, child prostitution, trafficking, intra-familial violence or abuse and discrimination.4. Participation Rights. Girls’ rights to participate are essential in defining their own needs or interests, family decision-making and community affairs particularly because cultural traditions may give them the “last voice” in families, schools, and communities.It is on a premise that the development of the girl-child is anchored on the full enjoyment of this wide range of rights. But equally crucial in the provision of these rights is providing them these rights simultaneously. The broad categories of rights are not independent of each other; they are interrelated with each other.Concretely, a girl child who is healthy, sheltered, clothed, loved and cared for-is fit to study well, develops her capacities and potentials; she is able to join and be part of her family, school and community activities-an venues for ably and freely expressing herself- her needs, her feelings, her opinions; she is also enabled to arm her with confidence to protect herself, to say no to any threat of abuse.The vision for the girl child is what I hope for in my journey with the less privilege here in one of the poor community in Manila I volunteer. We are taking our bold steps to help address the conditions of the girl children in this community and other entities for the plight of girl children at large in the Philippines. We want them to experience these rights since they have been deprived of these universal rights due to poverty. We want them to experience that they too can have these rights and can live with the same life’s comforts with the other children of the world. There is an ongoing feeding program for the malnourished children in the community. But personally I also want to support them in their education even at the elementary and high school levels only. I personally feel that we can do more with your kind assistance for these children on this part of this planet. Most of these girl children are with ages 5 to 15 years old. They live in one small house with 25,000 peoples. It is practically congested. The feeding program is inclusive of the boys but more specific attention is given to girls since they are more vulnerable to abuses and other forms of violence. I hope we could together make a difference in the lives of these children. Wishing you well in your business! Reference: UNICEF, Sub-task Force on the Girl-Child of the Council of the Welfare of Children, Manila, Philippines, 2002
Personal notes of the author’s direct experience with the community

Human Rights and the Philippine Women

Human rights are rights that automatically belong to every person by virtue of her or his being a human being. Because these rights are inherent, they cannot be sold, transferred, or exchanged in any situation. Human rights include:

Right to life, liberty and freedom from violence;
Right to be free from discrimination based on race, ethnicity , age, sex, language, religion, political opinion, nationality and social status;
Right to be free from slavery, torture;
Right to work;
Right to education;
Right to political participation;
Right to self-determination;
Right to adequate health services;
Right to equality and fair treatment before the law;
Equal rights with one’s spouse in marriage and I n the event of its termination (e.g. legal separation, divorce, annulment)

Taken from the Women’s Legal Bureau, Philippines, 2003

Doing Business with a Social Conscience

Global Poverty Scenario As a backgrounder, 1.2 billion people lives on less than $1 dollar a day. This is considered to be the absolute poverty level. There are 24,000 persons that die each day due to hunger, 16,000 of whom are children under five years of age; 800 million people or one in every six are malnourished,200 million of whom are children; the average life expectancy of people living in areas with chronic hunger is 38 years. People living in wealthy nations have an average life expectancy of 70 years; access to food is a basic human right that is no different from the right to life. In our region we have these manifestations: nearly one half of the world’s hungry are in South Asia and one third are in sub-Saharan Africa; South Asia is the home to about one third of the world’s malnourished, about one out of every five persons in the region is chronically undernourished; In Latin America and the Caribbean, about 55 million have suffered from some degree of malnutrition in the past decade; more intense in India – the undernourished population is 23.3 million; South Asia, in China 119 million and sub Saharan Africa 196 million. This represents roughly 9 percent of the world’s population (Bulletin on the Eradication of Poverty, Annual edition 2003).
Our world is becoming chaotic everyday - we could see and hear that the stark reality of poverty is gravely affecting the majority of the people who are poor. Many people are living on one dollar a day thus resulting to more complicated social issues such as crimes, drug addiction and illegal gambling.This scenario is also felt in the Philippines. It takes the courage to be able to help or assist the many disadvantaged people of my country especially the plight of the children who are the most vulnerable sector of this society. One responsible citizen could not just be a bystander or be silent about this violence happening around us. As we take our own bold steps to improve the plight of the poor in our country, can other people across continent reach out to people who are living at the edge of poverty? What could be our responsibility being in the business? Perhaps some of you are already engaged in doing a personal mission to help the poor, but there are others who may be having a second thought on participating in this struggle towards making a difference in their lives of the many who are suffering. The companies or business that we own are potent force towards promoting an environment that is transforming, humane and liberating for all humanity so that the poor could also live harmoniously, and sharing in God’s abundant blessings which is created for all.It is obvious that people are in business to make a profit. They always make sure that they have the right formula and strategies for whatever business they operate. They definitely make sure that they earn from it. It is a fact that there is nothing wrong in making profits. But it will be doubly interesting to do far more than simply attain a positive financial goal. Perhaps the thoughts of Mr. Gary Hirshberg (the President and CEO of the Stony field farm of the yogurt company) when he said: “His company is in business to help change the world”. On the other hand, Michael Green said that without some bottom line concerns, social responsibility cannot be implemented. In most cases a company should gain profit first before it can contribute to a society in dire need. These two businessmen share similar thoughts saying that there is a need for the leaders and the organization to have strong values that everyone understands and lives up to. These values must support the business ideas that are deeply embedded, and that everyone is held accountable to them, even in seemingly minor everyday decisions and actions. Concepts of Corporate Social Responsibility+ Social responsibility must be inherent in an organizations objective strategy, simply to aid the well being of society+ Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) refers to operating a business in a manner that takes responsibility for the social and environmental impact of the business. CSR involves developing policies and practices that integrate responsible practices into daily business operations. Empirical studies have demonstrated that CSR can have a positive impact on economic performance. CSR may be measured by performance indicators including reduced operating costs, enhanced brand image, increased sales and productivity, employee retention, and reduced regulatory costs and oversight.+ The principle that businesses should contribute to the welfare of society and not be solely devoted to maximizing profits. + Is a concept whereby companies integrate social and environmental concerns in their business operations and in their interaction with their stakeholders on a voluntary basis. There is a strong sense of corporate social responsibility when businesses address important social needs such as when the solutions become a top priority for society. You may ask why? It is because businesses always find a way to get things done. Sure one can be in business simply to extract money, but this does little to correlate to personal happiness. Research shows that there are lots of financially successful people who are far from satisfied with themselves or their lives. In fact, a good number are downright miserable and many more are lacking passion for their work. Too many people are unhappy with themselves and their work, and our planet and communities are worse for the lost opportunity of harnessing their commitment. And according to Levi Strauss Chairman and Chief Executive Robert Haas, “the organization needs to be ethical creature-an organism capable of both reaping profits and making the world a better place to live”.Preparing the Soil …Leading the Torch of CSR Like I said it takes the leadership of the organization to lead its constituents to adopt corporate social responsibility (CSR) not only to find personal happiness but also to build a value-driven organization or business that fulfills or exceeds the stakeholders quality expectations in an exhilarating way to live, albeit often enough traumatic and definitely not for everyone.1. Values-Driven EnterpriseThe Stone field Farm has learned that business can actually make the world a better place to live, work, and breath. This I believe should be in the heart of the company’s vision. It must be something engraved in the hearts of all those who work through their values and humility. It is a company of the highest quality product with a promise of values proposition that will also deliver environmental support and action, perhaps a dialogue with your stakeholders and a promise to continue to learn and improve as you go. When you have new products you will always think of the users of your business and the end result of these projects should also be healthy for the planet.2. Creating True BelieversSignificant portion or function of a leader’s job is inspiring the people who work for the business, giving them a glimpse of the future vision that is both compelling and attainable. Once an employee is hired he/se must be acquainted or oriented on the over-all vision and of the organization. Human resource is equally important with making profit. It is best that the organization looks at attractive packages or benefits were employees could be motivated to give their best and be committed towards the direction of the company. A financial aspect is a potent motivator for people to perform (although others may not see this as essential) but it will be worthwhile to see to it that employees have livable salaries and living decently.Take the case of 3M Company based in UK and Ireland their success is achieved through employee recognition program. 3M genuinely empower its people to make a difference and they know that perseverance and commitment can lead to their innovative ideas becoming a commercial reality. They aim at providing an organization structure and a work climate that respects the dignity and worth of individuals; encourages the initiative of each employee; challenges individual capabilities; provides equal opportunity.3. Sustain the Culture There is a need for an organization to have a culture that motivates and inspires employees to carry on with the vision and mission of the organization. An organization’s culture acts as a catalyst to action for its employees - aligning their efforts into a common direction and purpose, while providing the personality that attracts clients, customers, investors and others outside the organization. An organization’s culture is shaped at the top-by its leaders-and it is the job of leaders to ensure that is maintained and perpetuated into the future.In the Stone field Farm for example they had a program called Stony field Legacy Program that helps employees to be in touch with the values that are most important to the way that they do business. So people tell their stories and the values that are most important to them - a value that is shared by the company. Other programs such as retreats, outings and fellowships can help maintain the company’s culture.4. Work with Communities The bottom line of business can be more than just financial. There is a need to invest in corporate activities that can promote concern and responsibility for others. If your company can adopt a community that is living at the edge of poverty, so much the better - so that you are in a way sharing God’s bounty to the less fortunate. Perhaps you can be part of the noble cause for what this site calls for. Your small support to the poor children in Africa or in the Philippines is a good start for CSR! You will see the intangibles of being happy, when you give something from your own business. 5. Looking forward to the FutureWhatever path we take today, I hope it will always to building a business that could change the world. What we do today is probably looking ahead, so that every human being will enjoy health, a livable planet that lies beside business. If the nations and planet business communities don’t embrace the goal of a sustainable earth, it may never happen. We all live with the ups and downs in business, but let us join hands in doing well for all humanity, and take part in making this planet a better place for all.